Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
