I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize