girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
