I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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