You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
NoShamevember. You game?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
