We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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