What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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