Don't you send me to vm
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
