I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
