Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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