and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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