he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
