I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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