Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
