Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
