i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
