Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
