I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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