so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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