why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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