one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
