so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
