yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
