I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You don't make any sense
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