question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
