Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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