we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
