thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
