i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize