that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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