mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
