This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Even my vagina gasped.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
