Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
