The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Less talking, more tequila
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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