Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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