Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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