Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
