if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
