Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
