Yo dont text me then not text me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
