It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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