party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
