I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The air was thick with penises
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
