oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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