My hand turned me down
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
