What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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