Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
