Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just high enough for therapy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
