your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
