apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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