hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
