If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
