new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
