Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
