do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
