I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
