just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
