i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
