he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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