): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
