I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
