I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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