Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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