now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
