If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
