She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
