she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
