How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
