if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
