I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
