so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
