you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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