we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
