tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize