You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
