so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
